Yep...
VULNERABLE.
Because it is what my very existence feels like at this point in my life. In fact, it's felt that way for about the past three years, if I'm being totally honest. Infertility has taught me a lot about myself...good and oh, so, very bad. I've learned that it's not easy for me to reveal the "hard stuff" in life, because it makes me seem imperfect...hahahahaha...as if I really am anything remotely CLOSE to perfect. I DON'T THINK THAT AT ALL, there's just something in me that wants to continue on with the "perfect" life I had until my early 20's. That's when the "hiding" of the hard stuff in my life began. It was a bad thing to start. I know it's not how God intends for us to live. He wants us to be REAL, no matter how vulnerable it makes us. He is the strength in our weakness, IF we let Him.
So, for some reason now, and maybe it's because I've been asked SO MUCH in the past few years(and have kept it to myself for the most part)...I finally feel the courage to explain our journey through infertility and whoever is interested can read...or not.
Sounds weird. I know, I feel that way too.
Weird. Raw. Exposed. Hurt...but ready to share.
I think it'll help me as well.
And so my blog becomes a way for me to heal, move on, explain our journey, and still show the fun things in our life(when I actually get around to it!). If you are one of those who have asked me about our struggles in the last few years....know that it has meant more to me than you know. I know I've given a lot of open ended answers to your questions, been pretty vague, and at times, just down-right skirted the issue when it came up. And for that, I am sorry...it all leads back to my feelings of vulnerability and my tears that come SO easily when I have to talk about this(heck, I'm crying just writing this!).
I know that I have a lot of people in my life that care and love me, Chuck, Maddi and Mason and WANT to know how to pray and what's going on.
And so that's what I will try to do in the coming days...
This is not fun for me, but I feel like it's a good thing all at the same time. I feel like I'm an open, bleeding wound that keeps trying to heal, but never quite gets there. Just bare with me, peeps. Ok?
Vulnerable...Our Infertility Journey
to be continued...
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7 comments:
Misty, my heart breaks and I cry tears of sorrow and down right frustration and desperation on your and everyone else's behalf who have struggled with this. I know how hard it is to share the deep hurts and bleeding wounds infertility causes and how brave you are you share insight into those. God of course heals all wounds and I know he will heal yours one way or another. Praying for you and Chuck daily as you navigate the land no one should have to live in.
xoxo,
Sara
Misty,
I have kept you guys in my prayers since I heard of your infertility journey. How my heart breaks for you b/c I know this journey all too well. You hit the nail on the head that infertility is an open wound that we keep trying to bandage. But with every failed treatment or each piece of bad news it just rips the scab right off again exposing the wound to new hurts. Even with our adoptions, the scars are still there. At times I wish those scars would disappear b/c they still cause the tears to come so easily (even 3 years after we stopped trying and started adopting), but now I know that those scars are reminders of how far God has brought me. God is carrying you through this. Remain faithful to Him, and don't let yourself lose hope in Him. I know infertility can wear you down, but God is there to pick you up. Love you, sweet friend, and I will continue to lift you up!!!
Misty, thank you so much for sharing that. I know how hard it must be to make those deepest most vulnerable parts known (I'm AWFUL at that) but it is an honor for people to be allowed in and know better HOW to pray! So, THANK YOU and I am praying hard for you guys!
Love, love, love!
Misty N
Misty, how strong & courageous to open up your wounds for any & all who CHOOSE TO SEE, knowing that some won't even begin to understand. But also knowing that others who love you & those who are walking this same path share your deepest pain & choose to stand with you offering encouragement, prayer, love & support.
Sara, I pray for you as you seek your heart's desire.
Janna, Thanks for openly sharing your story. God is using you.
Misty N., You are such a dear friend. Thanks for your love & support.
Misty & Chuck, You are SO LOVED!
We will continue to TRUST GOD, knowing that one day He will wipe every tear from our eyes & that at time we won't even have unanswered questions. We will be able to really SEE.
All our love, Mom & Dad
I am crying with you while reading this. We had our own infertility journey. I understand how much it hurts, but just know that we are all out here ready to listen to you and praying for you and Chuck.
Misty, I want to start by saying that I love you and am so glad that you chose to accept me into your life / family as your friend so many years back. I have always felt truly blessed by knowing you because you are such a strong person and have made me a stronger person through the years. You are not alone in your struggles with this because you have so many people that love you and want to share / help with this, even if it means you just cry on our shoulders or yel at us to get out the frustration - that's what a friend is for. I have told you how my cousin struggled with infertility and tried for years and one day after a lot prayers and hope she was blessed with her deepest wish, so I believe that will happen for you and Chuck. There is a plan that is laid out for you that just hasn't happened yet, but I know it will be great when it does. Please know that you are loved and thought of daily as your wounds begin to heal.
Love,
Melissa
I know how vulnerable it all feels but that's the time when God can use you. God can mold you into his image when you are soft and vulnerable. I can say all this to you because I know exactly how you feel (and I don't feel at all like the image of God during this process but I know that's his ultimate goal!). Praying for your heart as you go through this.
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