Vulnerable...Our Infertility Journey #3

Continued...

When I met Chuck, he was a daddy with custody of his two kids...Madison(who now prefers the name AND spelling of MADDI-if that tells you anything about her!) and Mason.  His ex-wife had walked out for another man two years prior.  The three of them were a family creating a "new" normal and doing a great job of it, with help from his mom and sister(aka Nana and Aunt Lil!).

It wasn't long before he opened up to me and let me know that he had had a surgery to prevent having any more children in his first marriage.  Maddi had been born under 2lbs. and Mason had to be circloged in to prevent the same thing from happening to him.  The drs. said it was best if they not have any other children.  The easiest way is for the male to have the surgery, Chuck loved his wife and it was a no-brainer.  Of course, he had no way of knowing she'd leave him for someone else(and have more children)...

We decided after we had been married a year to have the surgery reversed.  I was 31. Chuck was 33.
And that's where our fertility journey began... 
Two years came and went waiting, trying naturally and hoping.
It was then that we knew we needed to find out more.  If we'd known what we know now, we would have only waited about 6 months before seeking fertility help(Let that be a lesson to anyone reading!!!).

I went to my gynecologist and she ran tests finding nothing wrong. 
I was 33.  Chuck was 35.
So, she thought a little jump start was all we needed. She put me on a drug called Clomid for 3 months. Nothing.
Waited another 6 months.
Nothing.

She then decided to refer us to a Houston fertility Reproductive Endocrinologist(RE).  We had quite a wait for our initial appointment.  I was 34.  Chuck was 36.

You'll never understand walking into a fertility clinic unless you actually have to do it.  Most heads are bowed low, pretending to read or trying to engross themselves into anything they can.  Many are with their husbands.  Some are lesbian couples.  Most are 30 and 40 somethings.  Most appear to be middle to upper class(you HAVE to have money to do fertility treatments! Especially when you have insurance that covers NOTHING!!!)  You can always spot red, puffy eyes from crying.  If you know to look at arms of the girls, you'll always see bruised blood draw sites from the every other day blood work.  You see hopeful.  You see discouraged.  But you see longing in the eyes of ALL.
It's really an uncomfortable place to be.  Hardly ever, do you have anyone speak to you besides the nurses or receptionists.  And the weirdest thing is...WE WERE ALL GOING THRU THE SAME THING!!!  After a while, and since I was there so, very often....I got to where I would start a conversation with girls and low and behold, we would usually end up finding comfort, answers, a good cry together, or just some relief from the silence in each of our little waiting areas before whatever procedure we had to have done that day. 
I digress.
Anyways, after having tests run...
We found out there that Chuck's sperm had antibodies surrounding it. 
(*a side note to assure you that i have my husband's permission to share this very personal information.  he is glad that i am finally opening up to people about it.)
This happens sometimes after a vasectomy and vasectomy reversal because the sperm are stored in a place in the body that they aren't normally in before the surgery.  The body's immune system attacks anything that seems "foreign" or something that is in the wrong place and the sperm forms antibodies to protect themselves.  Those antibodies make it virtually impossible for the sperm and egg to connect.
Bad news for us.
But the bad news didn't stop there...
Ugh...let me get my vulnerability in check and share some more later.
This is hard for me, I tell ya.

Vulnerable...Our Infertility Journey
to be continued....