This is for the coward person who left the anonymous blog comment(I already deleted it, b/c I can!) that Chuck and I's fertility treatments were "not what God wants, unnecessary, and should not be allowed". You are the 2nd person in my life to say something like that, only the other one was actually bold enough to let me know who they are. Hahahahahahahah! It's ok. Everyone's entitled to their opinion.
I SO love this statement. I can't even remember where I found it. Maybe it'll help someone else, like it did me...
"Couples experiencing infertility often receive well-meaning but extremely insensitive "advice."
We can all list the most popular ones; "just relax and you'll get pregnant," or "adopt and you'll get pregnant," or "why can't you just be happy with what you have," or the most painful from the ones who seem to have the good on God's plan; "maybe God never meant for you to have children." The sheer audacity of making a statement like that never ceases to amaze me. These same people would never walk up to someone with cancer and say, "maybe God never meant for you to live." However since I am infertile, I am supposed to get on with my life. It is hard to understand why people cannot see infertility for what it is: a disease for which I have the right to seek treatment. What if doctors said to the parents of polio victims, "Maybe God meant for thousands of children to be cripples, live in iron lungs or die." What if they never tried to find a cure? Who could think for one minute that was God's plan? Why do I think God gave me infertility? I think he meant for my husband and I to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. I think God meant for us to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up each time infertility knocks us down. I think God meant for our medical community to discover medicines, invent medical equipment, and to create procedures and protocols. I think God meant for us to find a cure for infertility. No, God never meant for me NOT to have children. That is not my destiny, that is just a fork in the road I am on. I have been placed on the road less traveled, and like it or not, I am a better person for it. Clearly, God meant for me to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and have greater inner strength on this journey to resolution and I haven't let him down. Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God singled me out for special treatment. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and deep that when the baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest most refreshing drink I have ever known. While I would never have chosen infertility, I cannot deny that a fertile woman could never experience the joy that I know awaits me. Yes, one way or another, I will have a baby of my own. And, the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice, I'll say, "Don't tell me what God meant when he handed me infertility, I already know."
~Anonymous.
I SO love this statement. I can't even remember where I found it. Maybe it'll help someone else, like it did me...
"Couples experiencing infertility often receive well-meaning but extremely insensitive "advice."
We can all list the most popular ones; "just relax and you'll get pregnant," or "adopt and you'll get pregnant," or "why can't you just be happy with what you have," or the most painful from the ones who seem to have the good on God's plan; "maybe God never meant for you to have children." The sheer audacity of making a statement like that never ceases to amaze me. These same people would never walk up to someone with cancer and say, "maybe God never meant for you to live." However since I am infertile, I am supposed to get on with my life. It is hard to understand why people cannot see infertility for what it is: a disease for which I have the right to seek treatment. What if doctors said to the parents of polio victims, "Maybe God meant for thousands of children to be cripples, live in iron lungs or die." What if they never tried to find a cure? Who could think for one minute that was God's plan? Why do I think God gave me infertility? I think he meant for my husband and I to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. I think God meant for us to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up each time infertility knocks us down. I think God meant for our medical community to discover medicines, invent medical equipment, and to create procedures and protocols. I think God meant for us to find a cure for infertility. No, God never meant for me NOT to have children. That is not my destiny, that is just a fork in the road I am on. I have been placed on the road less traveled, and like it or not, I am a better person for it. Clearly, God meant for me to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and have greater inner strength on this journey to resolution and I haven't let him down. Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God singled me out for special treatment. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and deep that when the baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest most refreshing drink I have ever known. While I would never have chosen infertility, I cannot deny that a fertile woman could never experience the joy that I know awaits me. Yes, one way or another, I will have a baby of my own. And, the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice, I'll say, "Don't tell me what God meant when he handed me infertility, I already know."
~Anonymous.
9 comments:
I questioned God's plan myself and asked my mom what she thought God would think of us turning to science to make our baby. She said God wouldn't have made those scientists to create those treatments if He didn't intend on them being helpful to you. If it's in God's will to let you have a baby this way, so be it. Regardless of the path it takes to get you there.
Anonymous commenters are always the rudest people, but also the most cowardly because they can't stand behind their statements!
Well said Babe...Cowards, just can't stand them. I remember you reading this to me awhile back. People really don't know what goes on in the world of INFERTILITY! I'm the husband and I have to walk around helpless because I can't fix this for my wife! You want to talk about borderline resentment! I watch the hurt in wife's eyes as we wake and as we lay down at night. Everyday is a challenge for me so to speak. Challenge of faith and all that jazz. I LOVE my wife and it makes me furious she has to go through this!! Like I always tell her..let's pick ourselves up and keep moving forward with no regrets. We will....and I gladly ACCEPT this challenge! Like I say....we will have our CHILD! Regardless of how...I LOVE my WIFE and MY GOD! Oh yeah next time leave a name....keep them coming babe....I'm really proud of you!
That is an awesome statement. Unfortunately unless one knows the soul wrenching hurt of infertility, he or she could never come close to identifying with someone who has. Everyone has their own unique journey with Christ. Even if 2 people are faced with the same crisis, God many times has a very unique path for each of them to follow. For some facing infertility, it will be to turn from science and towards adoption early. For others, it may be to hold on to the possiblities science can bring until the very end. Either way, God's will is going to be followed only one way: doing what He says to do, when He says to do it. If that means science, then do science. What is most important is that you are obedient to God and draw close to Him in the midst of whatever path He puts you on! You go girl!!
I have never commented but I had to this time. You know my precious son and without fertility treatments he would not be here! May God continue to strenghten both of you all through this very difficult time. We stood up for you and Chuck on Mother's Day. We are praying for miracle in your lives.
Wanda Veltman
Misty and Chuck, You will get comments like this. Sadly, some comments can even come from your own family or closest friends. Don't let them get you too down or frustrated. You will see that God will give you the right words to educate others in a way that honors Him and what He is doing. Praying you continue to grow a thicker skin. Some people just don't understand and that is ok. It is funny in life that you can have 300 people lifting you up and it only takes one person to take a bit of our joy away and allow us to feel anger. This verse always showed me that Robert and I were on the right path (and I think I have shared it before with you..but through our journey, I needed to be constantly reminded of it.)Psalm 37:4
Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.
God knows your desires, HE put them there. Unless the desire is taken away keep trusting that HE will find a way to fulfill it.
Unfortunately, His timetable is not ours. But, it is so TRUE that the reward is sweeter!
Love you both!
Becca
Ps...I failed to mention I AM PROUD OF YOU for standing up for yourself! There are times to just smile and let comments roll off and other times to just say it like it is. My daddy always says this and another friend posted it today--"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." -Eleanor Roosevelt
Don't give that consent to ANYONE!
You are so strong, and I'm so proud of you for standing up to "anonymous" with your head held high b/c you took the high road instead of giving them what they deserved for their insensitivity. When I got those stupid, uneducated comments from others I allowed them to get to me, and it made me even more bitter and angry about our situation. I so wish I had drawn strength from the Lord to gracefully and lovingly fill them in on our circumstances. What a teachable moment for all who read your blog, though I'm sorry you have to endure such insensitivity. Hugs...
Misty - I have known you for oh soooo many years now and I can honestly say that I am so proud of you for putting your experience down for others to read and share along with you. You and I are a lot alike in the fact that we want everyone to see the "perfect life" we deserve and think everyone needs to see, but in reality it isn't. It is very hard to share things like this and for someone to anonymously say these things to you just goes to show you that that person is ashamed of what they were saying. You are a strong person and have a huge support group around you, and that is how I know you are going to get thru this. I love you girl - Melissa Sully
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