My thoughts on Pregnancy AFTER Adoption and a great video

I have been so "torn" finding out we were pregnant....strange, I know.

For years, there's been an identity for me, woven deeply and intricately, in INFERTILITY. And I'd come to accept it. Even come to find GOOD things come from it. I had come to be totally OK with it, even joyful. Seeing pregnant girls didn't hurt anymore, the lump in my throat hearing yet another person I knew was pregnant, wasn't there anymore. I was able to rejoice with others in their good news, instead of smiling and having to walk quickly away before anyone saw the tears welling up in my eyes.

Levi was our perfect gift that had come from the big, bad INFERTILITY. God stopped my pain, completely and wholly by giving him to me, to us. And God and I had come to a perfect peace that this was how my children would come, Maddi and Mason included(even though they are not formally adopted by me). Gifts, through ADOPTION. How incredible. How lucky was I to be chosen for this?

So when I got the news, I was oddly upset, scared to death, even to the point of tears. I wondered WHY NOW God? I know that sounds weird. It sounds weird even to me, almost ungrateful. There was so much swirling thru my head that I didn't sleep well for days. And that's not a good thing when at the time, you have an active 4 month old. You need all the sleep you can get.
My main concern was wondering how this would affect my sweet baby boy? Would it make him feel left out one day? Oh God, I'd do ANYTHING to make sure he doesn't feel that way.
I wondered how on Earth would I be able to raise 2 babies that would be only 12 months apart?
I wondered if my eggs, etc...all the things that we had been told were problematic when we were doing all the fertility treatments...would give us a "good" pregnancy, a healthy embryo? None in the past had been. Why would this be any different? Would this be a pregnancy that goes all the way thru, or end in miscarriage because I'm 36 and considered "high risk" now?
I worried that I'd done nothing to "get ready" for this, no vitamins in advance like you start when you are trying to conceive. Heck, I didn't even know when it happened? I felt like an idiot when the nurse asked me specifics about my cycle. I honestly had NO CLUE about any schedule going on with my body. I could tell you what time Levi ate, burped, pooped and peed on any given day. But nothing about my own body. I felt so dumb. So unprepared for something we knew would never happen.

And last but certainly not least, I wondered what my adoptive momma friends would think? Would this pregnancy cause them pain? I know inside their heads, because we are a unified group....and lots of hurting, encouraging, praying for and just being there for each other comes from being a part of this bond. I SO didn't want to cause anymore pain for any of them. I know what they've been thru. I've been there. I AM there. Infertility is a badge I will always wear. Always be sensitive to. Always hurt for.

Oh the fears. Oh the worrying. Things that don't come from God anyways. But on a human level, they are oh, so real. Thankfully, they are the things HE uses to remind us that HE is in CONTROL and to LOOK to HIM.

So even now, weeks later, the shock is still slowly wearing off. And God is revealing to me that HIS ways are just that. HIS WAYS, not MISTY'S. My fears, my insecurities, my worries are being dropped off in HIS mighty hands little by little. I'm not "there" yet, but I'm getting closer. And I can feel those fears turning into happy fears...because, God willing, another precious baby is coming to me, to us.

But just to educate people....PREGNANCY AFTER INFERTILITY is RARE.  Less than 10% of couples get pregnant after infertility.  You just HEAR those stories more.  They are exciting.  Crazy.  Unbelievable. 
But PLEASE don't forget about the others who DON'T go on to conceive.  And try to be sensitive.... 
I was with one of my best friends the other day who adopted WAY before me and doesn't have a biological child, and she listened to a million people say to me....THAT'S HOW IT ALWAYS HAPPENS, MISTY....ADOPT AND YOU'LL GET PREGNANT.  WE KNEW YOU WOULD. 

My heart sank for her. I know she's heard these words many times before....but it doesn't. always. happen.
 
I know people mean well...

Maybe we can just all help to "educate" each other on what we've become "experts" on in this life.  My expertise became infertility.  Chuck and I have learned SO much from it.

Watch this video.....it's SO informative about Pregnancy After Adoption.